Shit job, crap-backpacking and a weird laugh

Thank you to Rebecca Stanley (aka Betty McFab) who has given me one of those odd bit-like-a-chain-letter blog awards. I've had one or two of these before and haven't always gone beyond thanking the person who gave it to me, but seeing as it's been a while since I did a meaty blog post I thought I'd do it. It's a nice opportunity to recommend some fellow bloggers and have a little chat with myself, which I do further down in the post when I answer Rebecca's questions.

So here is the AWARD

And here are the creative folks I'd like to pass it on to, if they so wish to take it up:

• Mario Gregoriou - Things Found and Made - a treasure trove of writing, art and music. Imagination is key - go there to read about a newly discovered spider who pranks his prey, to see how The Wicker Man ought to have ended, and to listen to a recording of David Bowie mashing up China Girl with the theme from Steptoe and Son.

• Anna Cathenka - Anna Cathenka's guide to life - she describes herself as a "29-year old writer, cat-person, adventurer, cake-eater and woman". I know these things to be true. Anna writes about her life, short punchy personal essays, there's usually a lesson learned or she's learning that she doesn't need the lesson. Always insightful and funny.

• Rebecca Alexander at Witchway - Rebecca nabbed an agent and a publishing contract after being a runner-up in the Mslexia novel competition, and her novel is just out in paperback. Rebecca writes honestly about the whole publishing process, her family life and personal struggles too. 

• Rachel Fenton at snow like thought - she's a North Yorks girl in a southern hemisphere world - Rachel the poet, the short storyist, the graphic artist, writes and shares her creative pieces and news on her blog - and they're often prize-winning. 

•  Dan Purdue at Lies, Ink - thoughtful and engaging posts about the writing process and the publishing world. Recent posts have included a weighing up of writing for print vs writing for an online audience, and tips on how (and how not) to promote your short story collection.

• Ric Carter at Digestive Press - Ric shares not only his own short stories and news of their successes, but also info and links on interesting and useful happenings in the writing world.

• Andrew David Barker - you may recall Andrew stopped by the blog a few posts ago to talk about his writing journey (how turbulent it twas) - check out his blog for interviews, writing thoughts, and the exciting news that he has recently found a publisher for his novel, The Electric.

So if you don't already follow those blogs, take a look and maybe make a new friend or two.

Now it's time for me to have a little chat with myself. I'm answering the 11 questions set by Rebecca.

How often do you manage to write and how long for?

At the moment I tend to have short bursts of time a couple of times a week. Like a lot of writers, I have to fit it in around the job/s I do to pay the bills. But I do try to use the time I have as best I can. This means staying away from the internet and not taking part in any indulgent blog award interviews with self. Oh.

What’s the worst job you’ve ever done?

Selling double glazing over the telephone in a windowless room at a bare desk with just a phone, a biro and a few pages ripped out of a phonebook by the supervisor at the start of the shift. I lasted a day.

How much research do you do before starting a new writing project?

None! Not really. Maybe it’s because the kind of writing I do doesn’t call for it. The main character in the novel I’m writing uses a lot of self-help type websites, so I’ve been looking at one in particular which is fascinating and horrible in equal measure. It has tips like ‘How To Talk To A Guy and Make Him Like You’, and my favourite: ‘How To Look Sexy Without Trying To Look Sexy’.

What little things do you get really cross about?

Things like people walking slowly in front of me when I’m walking quickly behind them. But if I’m getting irritated by that sort of thing it’s usually a sign to slow down. Oh and it’s not a small thing but I shouted at some men in the street the other day because of something they said to a guy who was begging. It wasn’t like I was ready to get into a debate with them, I just shouted ‘BASTARDS!’ They were bloody smug and rude and eugh. Aagh I feel angry again thinking about them! 

What are you reading for pleasure at the moment?

I go through phases of not reading much and I’m in one of those now. I am watching a lot of TV though, is that the same?

Do you ever give up on a novel you’re reading or do you have to stick with it to the end, however bad it is?

Give it up. There are too many books to read ones you’re not enjoying. I do get a sense that with some books it’s just the wrong time to read it. So after 50 or 100 pages if I’m not into a book I’ll abandon it, but maybe come back to it a few years down the line. I did that with Wuthering Heights, and second time was a charm. But yeah, read what you like reading, not what you think you should read.

What was your New Year resolution and are you keeping to it?

I didn’t make any resolutions at New Year, but through January I’ve been trying to be more relaxed generally and to enjoy life’s smaller moments.

What was the last film you saw at the cinema?

I work in a cinema yet don’t go to see films nearly as often as I should. So the last film I saw was, I think, Aint them bodies saints. Or was it Philomena? Both  are very good.

Who are your favourite writers?

I’ve loved books by Ali Smith, Sarah Waters, Tim Winton, Dodie Smith, Maggie O’Farrell, Kate Atkinson, Alice Munro. Not many men on that list, so I’ll add Richard Brautigan who I’ve recently discovered.

What has been the biggest adventure in your life so far?

Oh crap. I hate this question. It makes me feel like I have led an adventure-less life. I did go back-packing around Europe on my own when I was 20. It was shit.

When was the last time you got the uncontrollable giggles?

This happens when you shouldn’t be laughing, doesn’t it. In a meeting at work I can get a bit giddy. I think I’m at school. And I’ve realised recently that there’s a type of laugh I do, not intentionally, and I only do at certain times, with certain people, when something has really made me laugh. It’s doesn’t go on for ages, it’s quite short, quite guttural. It sounds hideous now doesn’t it. It’s very natural. It’s the opposite of the laugh I find myself doing with people who make jokes I don’t find funny but I don’t want to offend them. I hear that laugh and feel bad inside, mainly for myself. I should try to fake the weird guttural one.   

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I'm s'posed to give you 11 random facts about myself now but I can't bring myself to do that bit, soz. (They wouldn't be that random would they? They'd be selected by me to make me sound like the best version of me.)

For those writers up there who I've nominated, here are the 11 questions I'd like you to answer, if you decide to do it.

- Where do you usually write/create?

- Describe your ideal writing/making day.

- What are you really enjoying working on at the moment?

- What, if anything, stops you from writing?

- If you could choose a writer to be your mentor (share work with, chat about the process) who would it be? 

- Do you believe in writer's block? If you get it, how do you overcome it?

- Tell us a good thing that happened to you today.

- What's the first thing you do in the morning?

- What's your most listened to song?

- Who would play you in the movie of your life? 

- What would the title of your autobiography be?

So - if you choose to accept the award, here's what you need to do:

1. Thank the person who nominated you, and post a link to their blog on your blog.
2. Display the award on your blog — by including it in your post and/or displaying it using a “widget” or a “gadget”. (Note that the best way to do this is to save the image to your own computer and then upload it to your blog post.)
3. Answer 11 questions about yourself, which will be provided to you by the person who nominated you.
4. Provide 11 random facts about yourself.
5. Nominate 5 – 11 blogs that you feel deserve the award, who have a less than 1000 followers. (Note that you can always ask the blog owner this since not all blogs display a widget that lets the readers know this information!)
6. Create a new list of questions for the blogger to answer.
7. List these rules in your post (You can copy and paste from here.) Once you have written and published it, you then have to:
8. Inform the people/blogs that you nominated that they have been nominated for the Liebster award and provide a link for them to your post so that they can learn about it (they might not have ever heard of it!)

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So there you go - a bit of fun and a blog post with meat on it. 

Back soon.

When you haven't blogged for a while

 ...you need to come back with a BANG

So here it is - I've never mentioned her before because she's not into social media but when I told her I needed a post with a little SHAZAM she agreed to let me introduce her...

I have a twin sister, Erica. 

That's me on the left (obviously).

Is your mind blown? Well just wait til you see this bit of footage. It's just us goofing around, we're such goofballs. You must be wondering what it's like having a twin. Well, it's both nice and not nice. That's the only way I can describe it!

Anyway, look at this, it's just a little routine we did on the hoof. We're always doing stuff like this!

Anyway now you've seen her and you've realised I'm still here we shall never speak of her again.

WINNERS!

Thanks so much to everyone who commented, retweeted and just generally helped spread the word about Andrew David Barker's guest post. Andrew very generously donated 2 copies of his novel The Electric for a give away, and everyone who commented and RT'd went into a bowl (NOT a hat as previously suggested). It's now time to reveal the winners. 

I did two draws - one to win the e-book and one to win the real book. I thought it'd be more exciting if I took photos of myself drawing the names out of a bowl. I think you'll agree it really livens up what is essentially a very straightforward procedure.

To begin - this is when I thought I was taking a photo of myself but it was actually video. CLASSIC!*

 Okay she's getting the hang of it now. This is the bowl.

 Yep, she's picked a name out.

This says 'Fixated' but back to front. Congratulations to Steve, the man behind the radio show 'Fixated On' - you've won a real life paper and ink copy of THE ELECTRIC!

And Jane - co-founder of The Bath Short Story Award - you've won THE ELECTRIC e-book!

Andrew will be in touch with you both via Twitter to organise getting your books to you.

Thanks again.
 

*It's quite impressive the transition from POSE to CONFUSED to REALISATION isn't it. 

All THAT in 4 seconds.

 

Andrew David Barker writes a letter to himself

I'm really excited to bring you a new letter-to-self guest post (remember when Vanessa Gebbie and Kerry Hudson did it?).

This time it's the turn of Andrew David Barker who's just released his novel The Electric, a coming-of-age tale about a fifteen year old boy, Sam, who 'discovers an old abandoned cinema playing movies made by ghosts, for ghosts'. I was really captured by that line in the blurb. Very intriguing. Here's more:

Sam, along with his friends, Emma and David, find themselves drawn into a world where the likes of Humphrey Bogart, Lon Chaney and Theda Bara are still making pictures; where Harold Lloyd and John Belushi team up for roustabout comedies, and Karloff and Lugosi appear in films scripted by Edgar Allan Poe. Sam comes to learn the mysteries of the Electric cinema and his part to play in its long and strange history.

With shades of Ray Bradbury, the more nostalgic work of Stephen King, and the early films of Steven Spielberg, THE ELECTRIC is about movies, ghosts, and that ephemeral moment in all of our lives, childhood. 

Win it!
You can win a copy of The Electric just by commenting at the end of this post. Anyone who writes something between now and Monday 18th Nov will go into a hat and have a chance to win either the e-book or actual real life copy of the book - you just need to state in your comment which you'd prefer.


For now though, let's pass over to Andrew. It's 1991 and curtains are the way to wear your hair.

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Dear Me. The 1991 me. The just-left-school me.

First off, let me tell you - it’s going to take you a long time to get over school. You’re nostalgic at 16 and that is a problem. Straight after you leave school life – from which you receive no qualifications – you’ll find yourself working for a window fitting firm for £10 a day, not knowing what the hell has happened. (Be warned: low, low wages and struggling from week to week will become something of a theme.)

You’ll do that for a while and then go to college. There you will try and recreate your school days by hanging out with friends, drinking, making films, playing in bands, and generally doing as little actual class work as possible. And like school, you’ll leave college with absolutely no qualifications whatsoever.

You’ll barely be able to read and write. You don’t even read a book voluntarily until the autumn of ’91. It is a fantasy novel entitled Out of their Minds by Clifford D. Simak. It’s not a great book by any stretch of the imagination, but with nothing to compare it to, you’re blown away. You’ll become a voracious reader after this, and the head-full of ideas you’ve always had will begin to whirl and take some kind of shape.

Soon after reading Out of their Minds you begin to write an outline for a comedic fantasy novel of your own. It is about a school kid named Tony who is run over and dies only to discover that Heaven is run by a villainous Elvis Presley. It is not very good at all, but at 16, you’ll think it’s great. You’ll begin writing the novel with a school friend, Ben Waldram, and together you’ll spend the next five years turning it into a trilogy! You’ll never finish it.

During this time you’ll also play in local rock bands around Derby and continue to dream of making a film. The realities are, however, that you’ll simply drift from one job to another with absolutely no sense of direction or purpose. You’ll work on building sites (lots and lots of building sites: you’ll always keep coming back to this line of work as your dad is a bricklayer), as a railway worker, a carpet salesman, a factory worker (lots of factories), as a delivery driver, and as a night watchman at a hotel.

In the late 90s you’ll join a rock band as a lead guitarist and get signed by a small record label. You’ll record a single, go on photo shoots, tour up and down the country, and live quite a hedonistic lifestyle. You’ll think you’ve made it. You haven’t.

After four years for writing, recording, gigging, and drinking (and more besides), the band will implode and you’ll be left with nothing but memories. Also, you’ll be penniless. You won’t make any money from the band.

A few months after the band split you’ll find yourself back on a building site with your dad wondering, once again, what the hell happened. Befuddlement is another theme you’ll have to get used to.

It’ll take you another few years to get over the band. Then you’ll start to make short films. You’ll make a couple. They’re not bad. At least you think so. This leads to a long period of trying to fulfil a childhood dream: that of making a feature film.

You’ll network like crazy. You’ll meet a lot of people, and a lot of sharks too. You’ll begin to write screenplays with Matthew Waldram (brother of Ben, who you started out writing with) and you’ll go to Cannes in an effort to hawk them around. You’ll make a lot of contacts. You’ll talk to big players in Hollywood. Some of these big players will like your scripts. You’ll do a rewrite on one of your screenplays for a company owned by a major star, tailoring said script to suit his sensibilities. You’ll think you’ve made it. You haven’t.

You will make no money and sell not one script. In fact, the aforementioned company will completely rip off the central premise of your screenplay and make their own animated feature out of it. It will make big money and a sequel will be greenlit. You’ll go back to working on a building site.

However, in 2009 you will get the chance to direct an independent feature film.

A Reckoning will be a last-man-on-earth type story about one such man left alone in a desolate landscape. To give himself some sense of normality, he populates an entire village with straw people; he talks to them as if they are neighbours, and even teaches young straw people in school. However, before long his mind begins to crack and his make-believe world starts to take on a life of its own.

The film is shot at breakneck speed in two weeks during one of the worst snowstorms in England in a decade. Still, the film really comes together, mainly because of an incredible leading man (Leslie Simpson) and an utterly amazing crew.

You’ll spend the next year editing the film and that’s when the cracks begin to appear. Not with the film itself, but with the financiers. A series of escalating events lead to a complete breakdown in communication and a very nasty situation unfolds.

By 2010 the film is finished and getting stunning reviews. The financiers however, for reasons you will never, ever fathom, block it from ever seeing the light of day. Again, you go back to square one.

That is when you change your life. You begin a job as a care worker for young lads with learning difficulties and find it very rewarding. You get married to a wonderful woman whose support and encouragement in your creative endeavours are beyond measure, and also, you step away from everything and write a novel.

In writing it, you will dig deep into your past – into your teenage years – and feel a sense of completeness you have never felt in any of your creative pursuits before. You’ll find your voice  (for want of a better, less-clichéd phrase) and know that writing novels – where it is just you, no one else, pure and simple – is what you want to do for the rest of your life.

All that you will go through won’t be easy – I won’t lie to you – but that creative itch in your mind – that is small, but still very much there when you’re 16 – will grow, and sometimes it will overwhelm you. But everything you’ll go through will seep into your writing later on. For good or ill, it will make your work wholly your own and give you the strength to keep working at it, to keep writing, and to be true to who you are.

                                         Andrew David Barker, November 2013

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Thanks so much, Andrew. I love that your journey has been so varied, real highs and lows. All working to get you where you are now.

Andrew David Barker was born in Derby, England in 1975. He directed an independent feature film entitled A Reckoning in 2009 and has since written or co-written several screenplays. He has also had several short stories published. The Electric is his first novel. He now lives in Warwickshire with his wife. 

He can be found at either www.andrewdavidbarker.com or loitering around www.twitter.com/ADBarker

 

So. Remember folks, to win a copy of The Electric say somethin' in the comments. And do remember to tell us if you'd like the e-book or the real book - we'll do two names-in-hats draws for this and the closing date for entries is end of Monday 18th Nov.

   

Happening here, Monday

Just a little note to tell you we'll have a guest writer here on Monday.  

Andrew David Barker has written a fantastic letter-to-himself - you know, like Vanessa Gebbie and Kerry Hudson did - to mark the release of his debut novel, The Electric.

AND he's very generously going to give away TWO copies (one Kindle, one physical) of the book to TWO of you, my lovely readers, and all you have to do to be in with a chance of winning is to comment on the post when it goes up on Monday.

Look at the front cover of the book!

Read this extract of Andrew's letter!

In the late 90s you’ll join a rock band as a lead guitarist and get signed by a small record label. You’ll record a single, go on photo shoots, tour up and down the country, and live quite a hedonistic lifestyle. You’ll think you’ve made it. You haven’t.

…

All that you will go through won’t be easy – I won’t lie to you – but that creative itch in your mind – that is small, but still very much there when you’re 16 – will grow…

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See you back here, Monday. 

About old penpals

A few months ago Dan Purdue alerted me to this call to write a handwritten letter for a new journal, The Letter's Page, edited by Jon McGregor. Ooh, I said, that sounds right up my street.

Some reasons: I like making marks on a page, real pages. Especially with a biro, I'm okay without a fancy pen. I also like a little bit of autobiography, something from myself onto a page to someone else. That's what I loved about the Art House Co-op's Fiction Project (you can read about my experience with that here). I like making a real-life thing.

The Letter's Page theme for Issue 2 was 'pen pals'. Well, I've had a few of those. I got a bit obsessed by them in my teens, answering ads all over the place. At first - Smash Hits and (specialist) Take That fan magazines. Then later - a music magazine - I forget the name of it, it was monthly, with 'classifieds' in the back. I'd scan them looking for  mentions of bands I liked. Then I'd write to their PO Box and hope for the best. Most didn't reply.

I remember a girl who did, the same age as me (15). She wrote dark poetry (I did too, well - I dabbled) and she decorated her letters with glitter and pen drawings and told me how her and her friends would just go to the train station and catch a train anywhere. Just to, y'know, see where the day would take them. Oh my word I thought she was so cool. I wanted her to come and stay with us in the summer holidays. She didn't. I can't remember when/how we stopped writing. Maybe she was weirded out by my suggestion she come and stay at my house. I'd always wanted a sister. That's my excuse.

Before then, another girl. I was 13, she was older - 17ish. She was one I picked up from the (specialist) Take That fan magazine. She'd write really long letters, all about Take That. At some point she must have asked for my phone number because then she'd call me too, from a phone box, and we'd talk after school, maybe just once a month, but always all about Take That. Again, I'm not sure why we stopped writing / chatting. Maybe it was when I made the transition from being Take That's number one fan to Nirvana's. It was like I just flipped, changed, overnight. Hm, yeah, that is how it happened, and for totally superficial reasons. But she was nice. I wonder what happened to her.

And somewhere between 13 and 15 there was a man - who I hadn't expected to be a man when I replied to his classified in that music magazine. He was supposed to be my age, but he said the magazine had misprinted his ad, and actually he was 26. But he seemed ok, and he liked the bands I liked, so I wrote back. Then within a letter or two he was asking me very personal questions, and instead of just not writing back I wrote back and tried to avoid the questions by answering 'quirkily'. I see through it all now. Wish I had then.

And there were the letters I'd get from friends who I saw everyday at school. And my cousin, who I also saw everyday. We even had our own code to disguise the very secret things we must have been writing. These letters were not sent through the post but passed to each other at the start of the school day. And if you fell out with your friends, or they fell out with you, feelings were best articulated by a long and dramatic letter.

But my Letter's Page submission isn't about any of these pen pal experiences. It's about my very first pen pal, kind of, when I was 8, in 1989, when I behaved like a weirdo for a bit. That's all I'll say, because I might be lucky enough to have my letter selected for publication. If it isn't, I'll post the letter here. ('post')

The perils of writing by hand - you etch your words onto your desk

 


Here's the link where you can find Issue One of The Letter's Page. It's available to read as a PDF, and has some great pieces of letter writing. I was particularly moved by the one from Kathryn Kuitenbrouwer.

Things Found and Made - by Mario Gregoriou

Witness the rejection of hierarchies!
Smell the equality of expression!
Taste the freedom to question!


Mario Gregoriou's exhibition

in the upstairs gallery of City Screen, York

until Sunday October 13th

If you go there, you will find:

subliminal meanings within The Goonies
lost linguistics

the Wicker Man face off
fringe science that challenges norms and meat sweats 

what Kojak really smelt between his fingers on that fateful day 

If you go there, you will hear (from the speakers above you):

the music of Dunmada - songs and sounds from industrial rooftops, vocals that fly

If you go there, you will sit before a TV/DVD combi, and it will play:

a David Bowie rarity - the moment he fused China Girl with the theme tune from Steptoe and Son

'Tight Jeans' - the trailblazin tune from hip hop's very own Pussy Coal

the time Kings of Leon dueted with the Medulla Oblongata

audio clip of exchange between (sexy) Mother Hubbard and hungry dogs at dinnertime 

If you cannot go there, you can look at these photos

and you can have a go on this footage 

that David Bowie rarity - China Girl/Steptoe mash up

that (sexy) Mother Hubbard singin' with dogs at dinnertime

that duet with Kings of Leon and the Medulla Oblongata

For more information:

Click here to see the online version of Things Found and Made

Click here to listen to the sounds of Dunmada





And finally
here we have the artist on the right, and this writer on the left