WINNERS!

Well, with 4 entrants and 3 prizes I couldn't bring myself to draw names, so I've decided these 4 shall all win. Yeah!

Mandy 
Helen 
Rachel
Jessica 

- please email me your addresses and I will send you a little something via the good old fashioned postal service. My email is up there in the 'contact' tab.

Dan, well, I know you didn't feel right being in the draw but when I see you in a few weeks time I'll make you a cuppa and ensure you have direct access to the biscuits at all times.

You have five and a half hours

to write a comment here to enter a draw to win a posted-to-you gift FROM ME!

Or write a comment under here, I'm not fussy.

Thank you + photo story + GIFTS 4U!

I've been doing this blogging thing for 3 and a half years, and the numbers of followers have grown steadily and impressively and I've been excited and grateful for each new follower I've gained.

In the past couple of weeks I broke the 2-digit barrier and saw the pleasing (if you're pleased by that kind of thing) number of 100 a-top my followers list.

So I'm celebrating by looking back a bit, and by saying thank you.

Looking back

Right at the beginning, two posts in, I tried to explain why I respected Ali Smith so much. I was getting ready to enter The Bridport Prize, so full of the excitement and intimidation of the small, really small, chance that my idol might read my story. Did I ever expect what would happen next?

I tried some stuff, structured stuff, like the series of guest posts I ran on 'How You Write', (the links are in the side bar if you're interested) where writers came over and talked about their writing process.

I shared, and still do, information on interesting writing prizes and places to sub to. (I'm overdue one of those. Dan Purdue did a good one recently.)

I shared difficult news.

And good writing news, like this and this.

And I got out my Rejection Section once or twice.

I've had some great guests: helped Vanessa Gebbie and Kerry Hudson as they launched their brilliant debut novels, and I interviewed Dan Purdue and publisher David Lear.

This post about Bridport, this one where I got all opion-y, and this fella are some of the posts with the highest number of hits. 

I've told you some embarrassing, trivial, ridiculous stuff.

So now I want to say Thanks, Cheers, Ta - for your support, comments, encouragement, ideas these past few years.

I feel like I've met some of you already, I HAVE met some of you already, and I'm sure I'll meet some of you in real life at some point too.

So, here's me trying to say thank you:

Hm - webcam makes writing come out wrong!

 Ahem.

And there's more!

I'm  going to send, to anywhere in the world, 3 little thank you gifts to 3 of my followers.

All you have to do is be a follower of this blog (all this talk of following is making me feel all omnipotent), and leave a comment here before Tuesday 19th Feb at 5pm.

New followers welcome! I'll randomly choose two names from my current list (that is up to and including Follower 100: Bruno Gaspari) and one name from any new folks who'd like to jump on the following train after today. Choo choo! (Sees list rapidly decline in numbers.)

So that's all - say hello - tell your friends - I promise I won't use the winners' addresses inappropriately and I promise I've put that permanent marker pen away now.

Love and loss and Jeanette Winterson

Some thoughts, a bit disconnected, since reading Jeanette Winterson's memoir.

I finished reading Jeanette Winterson's brilliant memoir last night. Why be happy when you could be normal? is the kind of book you want to buy for everyone you know. The kind of book that you want to read out loud from, underline, fold corners on all the pages and passages you need to go back to. You need to spend a bit of time not reading another book when you've finished it, so you can really feel it, digest it, respect it. That's how it got me anyway.


I finished it in the bath, the water almost cold. I got out, went to the living room and demanded why my boyfriend hadn't come to see if I was okay. I'd been gone a while. 'I could have drowned!' I exclaimed. I was being playful. I realised I was also being myself at 4 years old, indignant that my Mum hadn't told me I was going to be at school all day for the first time - she thought it'd be better to just, you know, let the day unfold. Up until then I'd just been there for the morning. So all the other kids were crying on their way in, and I had no idea. When she came to pick me up, I stood on the steps of the classroom, my hands on my hips, and - well, I guess the word is exclaimed - 'You left me here ALL DAY! I've had my dinner AND EVERYTHING!'

Jeanette talks a lot about love, how she has had to learn to both love and be loved. My Mum said it all the time. Often it was just used as a greeting or a goodbye, or a goodnight, or while we were watching TV or hanging out the washing, or whatever. Love you; you too. I miss that easiness, I don't think it's ever as easy as that again.

I've always been a bit preoccupied with identity. Reading this book has made me think about it a bit more, how you define yourself, or let yourself be defined. I am always impressed by people who don't define themselves. Who live outside of their ego. I have been thinking, for the past 3 years since my Mum died, about myself as parent-less. It does change something. But I don't want it to define me. It's important, I am working my way through it, as millions are, have done, will do.

But I am not going to use it. I think some people use their bad experiences as bricks to build their identities with. I am interested in those who refuse to do this. I think Jeanette is one of those people.

Fake French Fish

So this guy's wife is getting all cosy with a French fish. Only the guy suspects the fish might not even really be French.

He's got a French accent, sure, and he calls himself 'Christophe', but that doesn't prove anything.

Fake French Fish is a weird little story I had published in OBLONG Magazine last year, and now you can read it on their website, here.

Oui.

Well into the work

I'm in the midst of putting my application together for a Northern Writers' Award.

The stuff I did at the start of the month (not much internetting, writing on paper rather than on screen all the time) set me up well - I've finished the 'creative' aspect of the proposal, and am now just in the business side of it - writing a synopsis, a personal statement etc. It's challenging - especially writing a synopsis for a work-in-progress. But I'm getting there.

Hopefully just a few more days of writing, then a few days away from it, some small edits and send it away. The closing date is 31st Jan but I'd like to have it in a few days before as I've got a busy couple of days at the end of the month.

Something fun my friend Karen shared - The 10 Worst Book Covers In The History Of Literature. I'm a fan of the Tarzan one.

Project get off the internet and let the ideas take shape

Without getting heavy on the details (I've only got a few minutes of my daily internet allowance left) I wanted to say that my plan is going well (scroll down to previous post - only use the internet for an hour per day, only write with a pen and paper). I've found myself doing things I don't usually do - small things really, like reading in the daytime - but things that are contributing, I think, to a more peaceful mind - which is opening up and letting ideas take shape.


Today is my first day off work since trying this out. I just got back from a writing session WITHOUT my computer and it was really good. The first time I've done that in ages. I made notes and when it wasn't flowing I looked out of the window at the busy street and the people, or I picked up my book and read for a while. Usually I'd connect to the internet and read all of Twitter.

I left the coffee shop and actually did a little song in the street. Just to myself, you understand. It was 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. I have no idea why.

I'll be back here in a few days to tell you how the whole week has gone. It hasn't all been singing Bonnie Tyler in the street but it's been pretty good.

I'm trying something out this week.

Yesterday marked the end of a 4 day run of days off from work with no big commitments to tend to. Over the busy-ness of Christmas and New Year I knew these 4 days were coming in January and I was so looking forward to them.

For most of the days I'd have a good stretch of time on my own while my other half was at work, and I imagined - as I'm sure we all do when we think of a day off entirely to ourselves to write - I'd get so much done! Oh the things that would spring from my fingers would be magic and vast and plentiful... do you see where this is going?

It wasn't too bad, not really, I did make some progress with a few pieces. But not as much as I wanted to, but that's not too unusual - I'm not sure I ever do as much as I think I can do in a day. This is partly down to what I expect of myself, but it's also partly because I waste time, sometimes. So that's what I'm trying to tackle this week.

On Day 1 of those days off I did some research into the Northern Writers' Awards which I knew closed for submissions at the end of January. I'd had a look at the guidelines a couple of weeks ago but hadn't taken in what a task it would be to apply - an exciting and brilliant opportunity of a task - but it's not just sending a few short stories away so they can see you can write. This is an application for funding to support a work in progress which is fully formed and well established enough for you to be able to write a synopsis, as well as submit 3000-5000 words of it. There is also a personal statement and a biography to write, and some questions about your circumstances etc. 

My over-riding feelings about this are good ones - it's really rare for an organisation to support you in such a way. I started to think of the half-formed ideas I have, the kind of book I would love to show I can write. My head, a-buzz with ideas, set out to feel around these potential projects.

On Day 2, I got the news about Litro publishing my short travel piece, and that took over my activities for a while. Most of these activities centred around being online, tweeting, writing a blog, responding to stuff. I let this get in the way a bit, though it was nice and good for my ego, it took up most of the time I had for writing that day.

Day 3 and I got up early, set out to a coffee shop with my little laptop and divided my time between looking at word documents that contained some of the work I might work on for the funding application, and looking at the internet. After 2 hours I'd hardly done anything. I felt rubbish about this, disconnected the internet and moved to a different coffee shop. I did an hour, internet-free, and made some slight movement forwards with one story. By the time I got home I'd been out of the house for 5 hours and had very little to show for it.

Day 4. I didn't know how much time I'd spend writing because it was my boyfriend's day off too. He had to pop out to pick up a guitar so while he was gone I disconnected the internet and opened up those word documents again. I noted there are about 3 of those half-formed ideas I could go with at this point. I also note that everytime I get into trying to develop one of these ideas, all sorts of things start happening in my head.

I think this idea is too big for me.
I think it is a rubbish idea.
I can't imagine how this idea could become a good story.
I am rubbish at stories.

etc.

I close the laptop. I don't think I can sit at it without knowing what I'm doing anymore. Why would anyone do that anyway? It's not quite looking at a blank page because some of the work is started but I'm expecting to be able to make something when I don't even know what it is I'm trying to make. I'm ten steps ahead. I need to pull back.

So, I know - as soon as I start to feel these thoughts - that I'm doing it all wrong. Quickly, in my notebook I write out these ideas:

For this week
- don't write fiction on the computer
- all fiction to be written in notebook
- max 1 hour per day online
- read more

And that makes sense to me. I'm in the early stages of developing an idea/ideas, they need to breathe. I feel better when I make this plan, though I'm slightly annoyed with myself for it taking me until Day 4 to reach it.

I'll keep an eye on the time I spend online and an hour a day is enough to keep in touch with things. I'm almost at the end of my hour for today, then I'll have a bit of time with the notebook before I head out to work. A busy 4 days follow these quiet 4 days I've just had. That's okay. 

Oh - and - a rather nice and timely gift - from my boyfriend, on his way back from picking up that guitar, he picked up a book for me - knowing I'm playing around with some ideas for a children's book - Tove Jansson's  first Moomin picture book : The Moomins and The Great Flood.

I love the cover. I'm a Tove Jansson fan, having read some of her short stories a while ago, but I haven't read any of the Moomin books. The Moomins always felt exciting, a bit scary, other-worldly, when I watched them on TV when I was a kid. I'm looking forward to reading this, and a Richard Yates collection a friend bought me for Christmas. Feeding the fire, I hope.

So I'll let you know how I go. Anyone want to join me in this experiment? Let me know if you do and I'll link to you.

'We Are In Whitby' - new piece published at Litro

I am so pleased (so very pleased) to be able to share some good publishing news with you - the travel item that I sent to Litro and talked about here has been accepted (yessssssssss).

As you know (might have mentionned it...) 2012 wasn't a very fruitful year in terms of being published, so it's really lovely to start this year off with a YES and piece of writing I can share.

It's called We Are In Whitby and it's about a trip my boyfriend and I took a while ago. I've been referring to it as a 'travel piece', and it is, but in the sense of a memoir rather than a review of the place. It's the first piece of non-fiction I've had published.

Here's an extract:

The rain comes as soon as we get off the bus. Heavy, windy rain, and as we struggle up the steps to our hotel on the West Cliff and through the whale bones, we are soaked to our bones. We’re only here for one night but somehow, though we said we wouldn’t, we’ve packed a lot stuff. Books, magazines. Tea bags in cling film, hobnobs in Tupperware. We are prepared. But I didn’t bring another pair of jeans. Or a waterproof coat. 

Click here to read the rest.

And to help bring the words to life, some photos from the trip:

2012 in photos

A year of two halves. (Halfs? No, halves.) It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

It was the most unsuccessful writing year I've had. Here is a photo of my rejection section (the back of my notebook where I keep track of the stories out there being considered for publication/prizes)

In case you're in any doubt, this was the result of most of my subs this year:

In total, I sent 22 pieces away and had only one 'YES'. Here it is, a little boat holding onto hope in an evil and callous sea: (why am I getting rejected when I write so evocatively????)

The story that got that one 'YES' of the year is called Fake French Fish and it appeared in the print edition Oblong Magazine. A little bit of shine is taken away from that though because it's my friend's magazine, and she asked me to send something. She still could have said 'NO', of course.


What's this?! Neither a YES nor a NO but a maybe - well hello:

This question mark is for a thing I am waiting to hear back on - a short travel piece I sent to Litro Magazine a few months ago - they contacted me a couple of weeks ago to say they really liked it but it didn't quite feel finished - would I consider extending it? YES, I said. So I added a couple more hundred words (they were right, it did need more) and sent it back at 'em. That was Dec 20th, so I'm guessing they might be on holidays - so maybe, maybe, maybe baby - they'll like it and publish it in the New Year. That'd be chuffin ace. I'll keep you posted.


So yeah, if you look at the year in terms of getting stories published this writer had a dry one.

BUT. The upside, regular readers will know, is that I set myself the task of creating an anthology of my short stories, some existing, some half existing, some I birthed out of me all new in October as I spent the month focused on having a collection to sent to Salt Publishing's Scott Prize.

 

These individual stories merged together into a whole which I called Things Which Are Not True. (That's actually an exclusive piece of information right there.)

I'm not sure of its fate yet. Salt will announce the shortlist in February, so there isn't too long to wait. I feel at peace with it, whatever the outcome.

 And so it's time to leave 2012 behind and move forward. I'm a big fan of New Year. I've always liked the passing of one year to the next, and I always feel optimistic about the year ahead. Anything can happen. I have a few things in mind for this year, but mostly I want to keep going as I am. I don't feel a need to make any big changes but to just grow naturally (easily done this time of year, ahem) and stay true to the kind of writing I like to write.

So, I wish you all a happy and peaceful time. A time you make your own, doing what you love, on your own like lone wolf full of confidence, or alongside the others in your pack.