A week after my last post we lost a close family member. I will hold back a little here in the specifics of what I say because this loss is not just my own, but my partner’s. It was a sudden and intense experience, and the swells of that loss, and those left behind, are still felt now.
November and December were spent collected together with my partner’s family, mostly indoors but sometimes out in open spaces where we tried to breathe, make sense, and feel the person still with us. We lit fireworks and Chinese lanterns. We have become very keen on candles. We’ve dug out old lamps and bought fairy lights and even some of those pretend battery powered candles for when we’re asleep. I’m not sure if there’s something in this seeking of light (it’s not that we’re avoiding the dark) but it seems to bring comfort.
It is hard when faced with such a sudden absence of life to not expect more of it to occur. So in and amongst processing this we hold on to each other a little tighter, and feel gratitude for what we have. We remember and contemplate on the person we knew and loved, and what they brought to us.
|Cawthorne Park, Barnsley|