This post doesn't have a title because I don't know what it is about just now. I just wanted to write a post but didn't feel a particular sway towards a topic or a thing to tell you about so I'm just going to write and see what happens.

THIS IS FUN, RIGHT?!

So I'll start by telling you I've made a lot of story submissions these past 2 weeks. I was what you might call 'on fire' submissions-wise for a good few days and just kept sending stuff out. A few things I already know the fate of - I didn't win The Lascaux Flash thingy or The Writers' and Artists' one. But that's okay, isn't it, like always.

I'm awaiting news of stories at The BBC, Mslexia, Bath, The South American Short Story Prize and Short Fiction Journal and still the decision-making hasn't happened yet for the funding I applied for to write my novel (should know by June, so still a wee while yet).

The Great Submission Event of 2013 happened cos I had a good look at my 'completed_unpublished' folder and saw that it was empty because I have been TERRIBLE at keeping up to date with my file keeping and saving things in the right place. I had several 'completed_unpublished' stories still hanging out in the 'ideas_works in progress' folder and a few which were just knocking about willy-nilly in the very general 'my documents'. Oof. I had to have a good clear out. And so I did - and reader, (I watched Jane Eyre this week) it took days.

BUT. I came out the other end and now have what can only be described as a fairly tidy couple of folders. I realised I am REALLY TERRIBLE when it comes to editing a story and just saving it as another version of the story, sometimes in a different place to the original. I deleted all previous versions of stuff and I also deleted some VERY OLD (like, 7 years old) stories which were...yeah, terrible.

One such story, Hooked, (not a sequel or prequel or equal to the film Hook) I started 7 years ago and is about a woman who is being haunted (yes) by picture hooks on her walls (yes).

I am saying no more about it but I am going to ask you: look in your document folders. If, like me, you have saved stuff from years ago (or even days ago - I don't think bad ideas stop really, but the years-ago ones are easier to spot as 'bad') see if you have a story idea you started, maybe finished, but that seems so far away from you and what you'd write now that it's alien.

Have a look - and if you feel like it - share in the comments.

Oh, well look at that - I started with no particular place to go and have ended with a rallying call for your best bad ideas. Share!

little hello

Ah so it's been too long since last I posted.

I have been...
- dusting down those Scott Prize stories and sending them elsewhere (Mslexia, BBC, White Review)
- being in the Yorkshire Dales with my writing group
- starting a new job - well, same place of work, different responsibility
- watching Bob Servant, Independent
- enjoying the unfolding of my boyfriend's writing/wordlings/paintings/imaginings blog - it is here

And I entered a very short story into The Lascaux Flash competition - you can read and comment on it here - results haven't been resulted yet.

I will come back soon with more words.

I hope you are well and warm if you like being warm.

Not SALT

SALT announced their shortlist for the Scott Prize this week and my collection didn't make it.

Before the announcement I had conflicting feelings about it (and this isn't like a 'I didn't want to win it anyway' kind of sulk), more about the collection itself - which I knew, deep down, had a couple of stories in that I wouldn't have included if I'd had free reign with the word count. If it didn't have to be be 30,000 words, I would have cut one or two or three stories. And the idea of having a body of work published in which there were some weak links wasn't a good one. I've maybe moved on or outgrown some of the material already, and I can see that more objectively a few months on from finishing the process of putting it together.

I'm still, of course, happy that I did it, it generated some new stories and it proved I can get a lot more done than I think I can most of the time. I'm seeing it as a warm-up.

And, the thing now, the good thing now, is that many of the unpublished stories from the anthology, some of which are complete and ready, some which need some editing, have been unlocked. This is a really great feeling and it resulted in a good day of writing yesterday. Almost an ideal one - you know if at the start of a writing day you had to say what you'd ideally get done that day? It was pretty close for me. I edited 4 stories, subbed 1, and started something new. And left the house several times and cooked a great dinner. (Sort of like Burritos with loads of fresh onion, tomatoes and parsley.)

So -- all is good. I had found myself waiting around a little these past few weeks, knowing I had deadlines I wanted to make in March and not knowing if I could use any of the material in the anthology yet.

I will probably enter the Scott Prize again this year. It will be a different process, a longer-haul one, one in which I feel for each story in there, I'll be more ambitious in my scope, and will have to feel a proper connection to everything I include.

Seriously well done to all the shortlisters - what a great place to be. I'm looking forward to reading the winning collection, and hope the runners-up find publication too.

WINNERS!

Well, with 4 entrants and 3 prizes I couldn't bring myself to draw names, so I've decided these 4 shall all win. Yeah!

Mandy 
Helen 
Rachel
Jessica 

- please email me your addresses and I will send you a little something via the good old fashioned postal service. My email is up there in the 'contact' tab.

Dan, well, I know you didn't feel right being in the draw but when I see you in a few weeks time I'll make you a cuppa and ensure you have direct access to the biscuits at all times.

You have five and a half hours

to write a comment here to enter a draw to win a posted-to-you gift FROM ME!

Or write a comment under here, I'm not fussy.

Thank you + photo story + GIFTS 4U!

I've been doing this blogging thing for 3 and a half years, and the numbers of followers have grown steadily and impressively and I've been excited and grateful for each new follower I've gained.

In the past couple of weeks I broke the 2-digit barrier and saw the pleasing (if you're pleased by that kind of thing) number of 100 a-top my followers list.

So I'm celebrating by looking back a bit, and by saying thank you.

Looking back

Right at the beginning, two posts in, I tried to explain why I respected Ali Smith so much. I was getting ready to enter The Bridport Prize, so full of the excitement and intimidation of the small, really small, chance that my idol might read my story. Did I ever expect what would happen next?

I tried some stuff, structured stuff, like the series of guest posts I ran on 'How You Write', (the links are in the side bar if you're interested) where writers came over and talked about their writing process.

I shared, and still do, information on interesting writing prizes and places to sub to. (I'm overdue one of those. Dan Purdue did a good one recently.)

I shared difficult news.

And good writing news, like this and this.

And I got out my Rejection Section once or twice.

I've had some great guests: helped Vanessa Gebbie and Kerry Hudson as they launched their brilliant debut novels, and I interviewed Dan Purdue and publisher David Lear.

This post about Bridport, this one where I got all opion-y, and this fella are some of the posts with the highest number of hits. 

I've told you some embarrassing, trivial, ridiculous stuff.

So now I want to say Thanks, Cheers, Ta - for your support, comments, encouragement, ideas these past few years.

I feel like I've met some of you already, I HAVE met some of you already, and I'm sure I'll meet some of you in real life at some point too.

So, here's me trying to say thank you:

Hm - webcam makes writing come out wrong!

 Ahem.

And there's more!

I'm  going to send, to anywhere in the world, 3 little thank you gifts to 3 of my followers.

All you have to do is be a follower of this blog (all this talk of following is making me feel all omnipotent), and leave a comment here before Tuesday 19th Feb at 5pm.

New followers welcome! I'll randomly choose two names from my current list (that is up to and including Follower 100: Bruno Gaspari) and one name from any new folks who'd like to jump on the following train after today. Choo choo! (Sees list rapidly decline in numbers.)

So that's all - say hello - tell your friends - I promise I won't use the winners' addresses inappropriately and I promise I've put that permanent marker pen away now.

Love and loss and Jeanette Winterson

Some thoughts, a bit disconnected, since reading Jeanette Winterson's memoir.

I finished reading Jeanette Winterson's brilliant memoir last night. Why be happy when you could be normal? is the kind of book you want to buy for everyone you know. The kind of book that you want to read out loud from, underline, fold corners on all the pages and passages you need to go back to. You need to spend a bit of time not reading another book when you've finished it, so you can really feel it, digest it, respect it. That's how it got me anyway.


I finished it in the bath, the water almost cold. I got out, went to the living room and demanded why my boyfriend hadn't come to see if I was okay. I'd been gone a while. 'I could have drowned!' I exclaimed. I was being playful. I realised I was also being myself at 4 years old, indignant that my Mum hadn't told me I was going to be at school all day for the first time - she thought it'd be better to just, you know, let the day unfold. Up until then I'd just been there for the morning. So all the other kids were crying on their way in, and I had no idea. When she came to pick me up, I stood on the steps of the classroom, my hands on my hips, and - well, I guess the word is exclaimed - 'You left me here ALL DAY! I've had my dinner AND EVERYTHING!'

Jeanette talks a lot about love, how she has had to learn to both love and be loved. My Mum said it all the time. Often it was just used as a greeting or a goodbye, or a goodnight, or while we were watching TV or hanging out the washing, or whatever. Love you; you too. I miss that easiness, I don't think it's ever as easy as that again.

I've always been a bit preoccupied with identity. Reading this book has made me think about it a bit more, how you define yourself, or let yourself be defined. I am always impressed by people who don't define themselves. Who live outside of their ego. I have been thinking, for the past 3 years since my Mum died, about myself as parent-less. It does change something. But I don't want it to define me. It's important, I am working my way through it, as millions are, have done, will do.

But I am not going to use it. I think some people use their bad experiences as bricks to build their identities with. I am interested in those who refuse to do this. I think Jeanette is one of those people.

Fake French Fish

So this guy's wife is getting all cosy with a French fish. Only the guy suspects the fish might not even really be French.

He's got a French accent, sure, and he calls himself 'Christophe', but that doesn't prove anything.

Fake French Fish is a weird little story I had published in OBLONG Magazine last year, and now you can read it on their website, here.

Oui.

Well into the work

I'm in the midst of putting my application together for a Northern Writers' Award.

The stuff I did at the start of the month (not much internetting, writing on paper rather than on screen all the time) set me up well - I've finished the 'creative' aspect of the proposal, and am now just in the business side of it - writing a synopsis, a personal statement etc. It's challenging - especially writing a synopsis for a work-in-progress. But I'm getting there.

Hopefully just a few more days of writing, then a few days away from it, some small edits and send it away. The closing date is 31st Jan but I'd like to have it in a few days before as I've got a busy couple of days at the end of the month.

Something fun my friend Karen shared - The 10 Worst Book Covers In The History Of Literature. I'm a fan of the Tarzan one.

Project get off the internet and let the ideas take shape

Without getting heavy on the details (I've only got a few minutes of my daily internet allowance left) I wanted to say that my plan is going well (scroll down to previous post - only use the internet for an hour per day, only write with a pen and paper). I've found myself doing things I don't usually do - small things really, like reading in the daytime - but things that are contributing, I think, to a more peaceful mind - which is opening up and letting ideas take shape.


Today is my first day off work since trying this out. I just got back from a writing session WITHOUT my computer and it was really good. The first time I've done that in ages. I made notes and when it wasn't flowing I looked out of the window at the busy street and the people, or I picked up my book and read for a while. Usually I'd connect to the internet and read all of Twitter.

I left the coffee shop and actually did a little song in the street. Just to myself, you understand. It was 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. I have no idea why.

I'll be back here in a few days to tell you how the whole week has gone. It hasn't all been singing Bonnie Tyler in the street but it's been pretty good.