Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 6: Mark Owen



Its 1993, I’m 12 years old and I’m expressing myself visually. I’d like to make a few main points about this ‘piece’, but do spend a moment just taking it in as it stands before I, the artist, give my commentary. 


Where to start? 

  • Ok. The balloon. Shaped like a love heart. With a face. With a loose perm. Wearing a bow tie. There is also a bow in her / its hair which matches the bow tie on its neck - a nice detail. The balloon is speaking. It is saying: "Teresa 4 Mark Owen 4.E.T.G.F.D.T.C.” I’ve used these initials elsewhere in the diary and can reveal they mean "forever together for days to come.” I can also reveal that this was a LIE. Well, let's be kind - it was an untruth full of hope.
  • The self portrait. Apparently that’s me holding the balloon. With saucers for hands and feet and - well - how can I describe that hair? It’s a bit Marge Simpson. (In reality my hair at this age was more like the balloon’s.) 
  • The signatures just underneath the artwork are both mine. I don’t know why I signed it twice but I had a tendency to sign everything anyway - because that made it even more true and real and a fact, obviously. 
  • The ‘code' at the bottom about Take That: why did I devise a ‘code’ (I’m using the term loosely) and then translate it just below? BUT, actually - I haven’t translated it all - there are more letters after the word ‘sexy’: B.M.E.A.G.I.L.Q.G. What does it mean??? I have no idea. I left no clues. 
  • I see Phil (lip Schofield) gets a mention up at the top of the page so he must have still have been on my mind (and heart). Just not the balloon’s. The balloon is only making announcements about me and Mark Owen.

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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect 
on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. 

You can read Part 1: BEST FRIENDS here
Part 2: CONGRATULATIONS here
Part 3: MY FIRST BOYFRIEND here,
Part 4: MY SOUL AMBITION here,
Part 5: MEATLOAF here.

There's a Facebook page too and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. 
If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you.

Wednesday, 17 May 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 5: MEATLOAF


It's November 1993, I'm 12 years old and it seems I'm keen to use some free space in my diary to write out the lyrics of my favourite song: I would Do Anything For Love by Meatloaf.



In the pre-internet world there was only one way to do this, and it involved recording the song off of the radio onto cassette then making very good use of the play / pause button until you have all of the words written down for your own personal (singing along) reasons. 
But... I'm not sure I did that with this song - because of the bit where I confess, "I don't know the rest of this part, da de da da". Also I've called it "Words I *Know* To Meatloaf". 



So I must have been writing the words out from memory! No - from HEART. Which explains why I still know them all today - just a few months ago I heard this song for the first time in ages and some primal urge kicked in where I pretty much performed the song from start to finish (both male and female parts) with all the drama and flourishes required. 
I did totally love this song. And you know what - I still do. 
(Rides off on motorbike, hair and very loose white frilly blouse flowing behind me.)


(Or "tek off" on motorbike - the Yorkshire way to say it)


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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect 
on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. 

You can read Part 1: BEST FRIENDS here
Part 2: CONGRATULATIONS here
Part 3: MY FIRST BOYFRIEND here,
and Part 4: MY SOUL AMBITION here.

There's a Facebook page too and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. 
If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you.

Thursday, 11 May 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 4: MY SOUL AMBITION

It’s June 1993, I’m 12 years old and my life is about to change to… technicolour. 

I was 12 when my dad, who I didn’t live with, and who had been absent for most of my growing up, took me on what he hoped would be an informative and culturally enhancing week-long holiday to London. Dad loved London for its museums and its history and I know he wanted to pass these interests on to me, his 12 year old daughter whose main interests were Take That, shopping at Tammy Girl and the perm she’d had the week before. 
Dad’s intinary was packed with an activity for every morning and every afternoon: British Museum, Natural History Museum, Madame Tussauds, The Planetarium, Buckingham Palace, Hyde Park, Tower of London, Parliament, etc etc etc. Looking back I can see he picked a good mix of things for us to do, and I feel really lucky that I got to have a different type of holiday at such a young age, while the friends I envied were all off to Spain or somewhere similar. Plus I’d only ever been as far as Bridlington before so you know - London was a big deal. 
But the biggest deal of all happened on the Thursday night when we went to the Palladium to see what can only be described as THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH aka JOSEPH AND THE AMAZING TECHNICOLOUR DREAMCOAT. 


Aside from school trips I’d never been inside a theatre before and, of course, I’d never seen a West End show before. I was enthralled. I loved the show, I loved Phillip Schofield and very suddenly I wanted to be an actress. I remember phoning my mum from a payphone after the show. 
“Mum, I have an announcement: I’m going to be an actress.”
“Oh, are you love, that’s nice.” 
I’m not sure what I expected to happen but I really felt like my future had to involve drama school and musicals and stages and standing ovations. (Well, it has certainly involved musicals.) 
Here’s what I wrote in my diary after seeing the show, and also the night after, when I describe (very dramatically - so apt) how my father has taken the news that I want to be an actress. My notes added in square brackets. 

15th July: 
"Boring day [crossed out and replaced with ’not bad day' - I must have felt guilty] until 7.30pm. We went to Brit Museum. OK. 7.30 - Palladium. What an excellent evening. Joseph. Phil was brill. He looked really very sexy [you’re 12 - are you sure you know what you’re saying?]. At end he came up towards upper circle [oh yes - this was when he got onto a crane and his amazing technicolour dreamcoat all spread out behind him. Goosebumps!] Now I long to be an actress. [Good - you’re practising the drama]. Phil [yes, that’s written in a love heart]. 

16th July: 
If only they [who?] could understand how I feel then maybe they [who are these people?] wouldn’t laugh in my face. ‘Drama school. Ha ha ha.’ These particular ‘them’ ‘they’ is of cours my dad. [oh right - you’re just amping up the drama again - nice work] My soul ambition [that’s a typo but it actually works] is to act. Hope mum understands. Had a pic took with Phillip at Madame Tussauds. I love him.”



I went on to see Joseph several more times in my teens (with Darren Day and Jason Donovan. I always maintained that Phil was the best). Despite it being my 'soul ambition', I didn't pursue my acting career though I did tread the boards once, when I was 14: as a member of the choir (I was in Yr 9 and only years 10 upwards could have actual parts in the show - how rude) in our school's production of... Joseph. I still know all the songs by heart.


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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect 
on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. 
You can read Part 1: BEST FRIENDS here, and Part 2: CONGRATULATIONS, here
and Part 3: MY FIRST BOYFRIEND, here.
There's a Facebook page too and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. 
If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you.

Monday, 8 May 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 3: MY FIRST BOYFRIEND

Friday 22nd May 1992: 
A Very Important Day

Leading up to this day it had been noted, amongst my classmates, that I got on particularly well with a boy in our class called James. Mostly James and I got on because we made each other laugh - a lot - and we were very easy in each other’s company. This must have been a rare thing (we were 11) and clearly our friendship stood out because our meddling classmates decided we should be boyfriend and girlfriend, and James and I agreed - without ever speaking directly to one another about it. 

In fact, we never spoke to each other again. OK - that’s an exaggeration. We did speak again, months later, once the whole sorry thing was over. In fact, James and I were great friends throughout our teens and remain in touch today (thank you, James, for allowing me to use your real name here). But the month or so we were ‘together’ (by which I mean the exact opposite of together) was excruciating and confusing in equal measure. 

My diary entries are a mix of excitement: “I have a boyfriend!” And fear: “I’m going to the youth club - I hope James doesn’t ask to dance with me.” I even wrote a list of things I didn’t want to happen in our 'relationship' (see one of the photos below. Cringe.)

We were together for exactly 5 weeks. We became an item on a Friday and 5 Fridays later James ‘chucked’ me and asked another girl out at the Youth Club - what a love rat! Not one word was spoken between us from the moment we became ‘an item’ to the moment we broke up. Despite clearly not wanting to go out with James, I was incensed that he had chucked me and wrote this in my diary: “He is just a user and if someone else goes out with him I’ll leave it to them to find out what he’s really like.” 

A couple of weeks after our demise we left the safe haven of Primary School and once the summer holidays were over we found ourselves in the Big School - the local Comp - and James and I were the only members of our old class to get into the ‘top set’. I think the summer holiday acted as a reset button, and though we didn’t address the weirdness of our unwanted and unasked for relationship directly we silently - as silently as we had got together - decided to never speak of it ever again (until we were teenagers and thought it was the funniest thing ever). We quietly picked up where we left off - and where we were much better off - as friends.

Here are some of the (excruciating) extracts:





(JBB = his initials - and 'Brodders' = his nickname)


This says: 
"He's just a user but if someone went out with him I'd leave it to them to find out what he is really like."
Just underneath: "Hi Dudes" - I was moving on.

(This photo makes me nostalgic for my 8-colour pen which was ALSO SCENTED.)



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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. 
You can read Part 1: BEST FRIENDS here, and Part 2: CONGRATULATIONS, here
There's a Facebook page too and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. 
If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you.



Saturday, 6 May 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 2 - CONGRATULATIONS


May 1992

I am still eleven years old. I've told my dad that I want to be a writer, and he has suggested I write to the letters' page of our local paper, The Village Print. 
What a great idea! I think.
But... what to write?

I know - I’ll congratulate them in my bestest most beautiful font. I’ll say the paper is informative and not just informative but THE MOST informative magazine about Armthorpe I’ve ever seen! (I’ve only seen this one). 
I’ll say the paper is the best. No - great. No! Glorious. Yes that’s a good word. No, it’s not working. I’ll try to compare it to something. “Its as…” 
Nope. Draw a line under it and start again.
Right. I’ll write "CONGRATULATIONS” again but not in my best font this time. Forget "informative" - this paper is superb! So superb I’ll write a poem about it. 
No. Nothing’s coming.

DRAFTS ONE & TWO



DRAFT THREE:
About as successful as previous drafts



Pretty sure I gave up after that.

My thoughts as I read these letters now:

- I really like that I can see my thought process with all the crossings out (even though I am essentially sucking up to the paper's editor to try to get published) 
- It's sort of like being a writer now - not the sucking up of course - but the way how sometimes you can have an idea and be pretty excited about it and then when you try to write it out it totally deflates before your very eyes
- Also the fancy font for 'CONGRATULATIONS' was a very early procrastination technique, I think
- The fact I did fancy font for that word, making it sound like a Royal announcement, is maybe my favourite part

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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. You can read Part 1: BEST FRIENDS here. There's a Facebook page here and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you.

Wednesday, 26 April 2017

Quotes From My Teenage Diaries: Part 1 - BEST FRIENDS

May 1992 

I'm 11 years old. The most important thing at school is who is best friends with who

EVIDENCE:



I'm no longer in touch with most of the girls I'm ranting about so that's why I've blacked their names out - but I think it adds to the rage I was feeling.

Another entry, a few days later:




My thoughts as I read this:

-  The drama! Is this why, when I was a few years older, I didn't have a 'best friend' but preferred a small group of really good friends? 

- The rage! Especially at the girl who had three best friends IN ONE DAY (and 'wasted' all of them - how do you waste a best friend? I don't know, but she was soooo wasteful).

- The sadness! I feel sorry for my 11-year old self. The girl with the three best friends  - side note: she once said I didn't have a hairstyle! I was 11! Hello feelings of confusion and inadequacy at a young age - well she wanted to be best friends with my best friend, and it was reciprocal (I just sensed it, she was being distant, cold...) but I held on out of some idea of principle and I wish I could go back and say a big F-YOU to both of them, and flick my not-a-hairstyle-hair as I walked away, free of the chains and drama and pressure of being BEST FRIENDS and just get on with writing letters to the local paper (all will be revealed in Part 2 - come back in a few days). 

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Quotes From My Teenage Diaries is an ongoing project as I re-read and reflect on the diaries I kept from the age of 11 to 16. There's a Facebook page here and soon - I hope - there will be a podcast. If you enjoyed this or can relate in any way - please do leave a comment or say hi on Facebook - it'd be lovely to hear from you (I promise I won't make you be my best friend).   




Friday, 14 April 2017

Quotes from my teenage diaries: a new venture

The blog has been given a new lease of life! 
I'm making my way through my teenage diaries and I'll be sharing quotes, photos and reflections along the way.

Come back soon for more (much more) - until then, a few photos from my very first diaries - written in 1992, when I was 11 years old.